Dave and Blarney and the Tea Parties

Blarney: Dave, did I see you coming from one of those TEA parties last week?

Dave: Yes, you did, Blarney.

Blarney: What is that all about?

Dave: Well, you know TEA stands for Taxed Enough Already. It’s a play on words honoring the Boston Tea Party.

Blarney: Are you guys anti-government terrorists?

Dave: No, Blarney, that is ridiculous. We are for Constitutional government as envisioned by the founding fathers.

Blarney: Isn’t that what we have now?

Dave: Unfortunately, no. According to the Constitution, the federal government power is limited and enumerated. The real power belongs to the states and the people.

Blarney: You mean like anarchy?

Dave: No, Blarney. The founders wanted to strike a balance between statism and anarchy. They founded a representative Republic that was full of checks and balances to prevent power from accumulating at either end of the political spectrum.

Blarney: Like what?

Dave: Well, like the clear division of responsibility of the three branches of government. The legislative branch (Congress) was to create all laws. This branch would be bi-cameral with both a Senate and a House of Representatives. The house would have representation based on population. The Senate would have two Senators for every state, regardless of population. Both houses would have to agree on a bill before it was sent to the President for signature.

Blarney: Like the Health care legislation.

Dave: Well, sort of. Anyway, even if both houses of Congress agreed on a bill, the President could still veto it. And if he did, the Congress could override the veto with a super majority. The president could not make law – he could only sign the bill into law.

Blarney: What about the Executive Order that President Obama used to get the health care bill through?

Dave: That is not a law. Constitutionally, an executive order would only affect the Executive Branch. There is nothing to prevent the president from issuing an executive order cancelling the last one. He does not have a specified process to go through like the process specified for making a law. That process is a protection for the people against an arbitrary dictatorship ruled by a series of “executive orders”.

Blarney: I never thought of that.

Dave: The founders thought about a lot of things that most people today do not realize.

Dave and Blarney and photosynthesis

Blarney: Dave, you still haven’t told me why you think Lisa P. Jackson was stupid to call carbon dioxide a pollutant. After all, the UN has stated that it definitely causes global warm… Climate Change. Humans are to blame.

Dave: Blarney, have you ever heard of photosynthesis?

Blarney: Is that something like using Photo Shop to make up phony pictures?

Dave: Good parsing of the word, but no. Photosynthesis is the process in which plants convert carbon dioxide and water to make glucose. In the process, the plants release oxygen into the air.

Blarney: Really? You mean carbon dioxide is food for plants?

Dave: Yes. I forgot you attended liberal arts schools. The lack of plants to generate oxygen is one of the concerns about deforestation.

Blarney: I thought you were a conservative. Why are you worried about the planet? Aren’t you one of the Global Warm… - I mean Climate Change – deniers?

Dave: Wow. No sane person denies climate change, Blarney. We only deny that man is causing it.

Blarney: Oh.

Dave: See, that is one of the problems in talking with you. You drop out significant words, like “man-made” or “anthropogenic” when calling us “deniers”.

Blarney: Well…

Dave: And when you were confronted with the fact that the earth is actually cooling, you switched from “global warming” to “climate change”.

Blarney: That’s because you might get by with denying global warming, but you would be an idiot to deny climate change.

Dave: Indeed. And. As I said, nobody does deny climate change. We simply point out that it will happen with or without man’s activities.

Blarney: Don’t you care about the environment?

Dave: There you go again. We can be all for clean air and water without getting hysterical about some mythological man-made climate catastrophe.

Blarney: Well, you don’t have to resort to name-calling.

Dave: What?!? Never mind. Plants take the carbon dioxide from the air and use it along with light and water to make glucose. In the process they release oxygen back into the air.

Blarney: OK. So plants clean up the pollution.

Dave: No, Blarney, that isn’t my point. Humans breathe in the oxygen and use it in a reverse process to extract the sugar from foods and release carbon dioxide back into the air.

Blarney: So I’m polluting the atmosphere just by breathing?

Dave: One more time. Carbon dioxide is NECESSARY for the plants. In fact, the richer the atmosphere is in carbon dioxide, the better the plants do.

Blarney: How can a pollutant be good for plants?

Dave: I think you are almost getting it. That’s my point.

Dave and Blarney, UN and Pollution

Blarney:  Dave, why so serious?

Dave:  I just can’t believe the stupidity of some people.

Blarney:  To whom do you refer?

Dave:  EPA Administrator Lisa P. Jackson, for one.  She called Greenhouse gases a threat to our health.

Blarney:  What is stupid about that?

Dave:  Do you know what the largest greenhouse gas is?

Blarney:  Sure.  Everybody knows that it is Carbon Dioxide.  That’s what is causing Global Warming – I mean – Climate Change.

Dave:  Actually, Blarney, the largest greenhouse gas is water vapor.  It makes up about 4% of the atmosphere.  Carbon dioxide makes up about four hundredths of one percent.

Blarney:  But, I heard that the concentration of carbon dioxide went up dramatically over the last thirty years.

Dave:  Well, it has increased over 35% in the last 300 years.  That means it went from 275 parts per million (ppm) to 375 ppm.

Blarney:  You’re saying that it increased only 100 ppm in 300 years?  The concentration went from 0.000275 to 0.000375?  And that caused all this warming?

Dave:  Actually, the globe has been cooling since about 1998, even though the atmospheric carbon dioxide continued to increase.

Blarney:  Why would that be?

Dave:  Well, it wouldn’t IF carbon dioxide caused warming.  That’s one of my points.

Blarney:  ONE of your points?

Dave:  Yes.  You do know that there was a big Ice Age, right?

Blarney:  Yes, that first one was the best of the three.

Dave:  Not the movie, Blarney.

Blarney:  Oh.  OK.  Yes there was an ice Age.

Dave:  And you know that there was a little ice age?

Blarney:  Yes, around 1550 to 1850.  But there were warming periods in there.

Dave:  You get a gold star, Blarney.  Now tell me what caused those warming periods or for that matter, what ended the big Ice Age?

Blarney:  Well… I don’t know.  I never thought about it.

Dave:  And you know that there were concerns about a new ice age in the 1970s?

Blarney:  Yes, but it warmed up instead.  That was caused by Anthropogenic Global Warming.  The science is settled.

Dave:  Why do I bother?

 

Dave and Blarney and AGW

Dave: Well, Blarney, how’s that Global Warming working out now? Houston has the earliest snowfall ever.

Blarney: Dave, you should know you can’t take one data point and make a theory go away.

Dave: Speaking of data, how about those emails in Great Britain?

Blarney: I don’t know what you are talking about.

Dave: There has been some data washing going on at the University of East Anglia’s Climate Research Unit (CRU).

Blarney: That is the first I have heard of it. There is nothing on my major news stations (ABC, CBS, NBC, MSNBC).

Dave: That isn’t particularly surprising. But it has been reported in the New York Times and on Fox News.

Blarney: Fox is not a real news source. My favorite bloggers call it Faux News. Get it? Faux, Fox?

Dave: That’s really clever Blarney. You do realize that “faux” rhymes with “no” instead of “knocks”. Right?

Blarney: Of course I knew that, but you should see the right wing nuts react to it as if “Faux” is just another way to spell “Fox”. It’s rich.

Dave: But then aren’t they too stupid to know the meaning of faux? And if so, they don’t get the insult. Maybe they just think you are an atrocious speller.

Blarney: Huh?

Dave: But back to my topic. How does the recent cooling trend affect global warming?

Blarney: See, Dave, you just don’t get it. We quit calling it “Global Warming” years ago.

Dave: So what do you call it now?

Blarney: It’s now “Climate Change.”

Dave: So now the claim is not that man is causing global warming, but he is causing global climate change?

Blarney: Exactly!

Dave: But the climate is always changing – it is either cooling or warming all the time.

Blarney: That’s the beauty of it! No one can deny climate change.

Dave: {sigh}

Dave and Blarney Discuss Health Care - Part 1

Blarney:  Yes we can!  Hope we can believe in!  Change that matters!  Organize for America!

Dave:  What has you so worked up, Blarney?

Blarney:  I am just so pumped!  I just left a “Town Hall” meeting with the  President.  It was great!

Dave:  What was it about?

Blarney:  It was about health care reform.  Wow!  It was stupendous!

Dave:  Really?  What is the plan?

Blarney:  I’m not really clear on that, but it will be great!

Dave:  How do you know, if you don’t know what the plan is?

Blarney:  No child will be without health care!  Everyone in America will be covered!  The current system is broken and he will fix it!

Dave:  How?

Blarney:  Are you one of those right wing nuts that is opposed to health care reform?  Why are you asking these obnoxious questions?

Dave:  I just want to know what kind of change we are expecting.

Blarney:  If you are happy with your current program, you can keep it!  There will be no rationing!  This will save Social Security and Medicare!

Dave:  If everybody keeps their current plan, what will change?

Blarney:  Well…  Uh… People without current insurance will have lifetime coverage!

Dave:  And who pays for that?  Where is the money coming from?

Blarney:  There you go, asking irrelevant questions.  The GOVERNMENT will pay for it all.

Dave:  And where will the government get its money?

Blarney:  We’ll tax the rich, of course.  We need to spread the wealth around!

Dave:  Ok, let’s let that one go.  Will this plan provide more medical personnel?

Blarney:  What?  Well… Uh… Why is that important?

Dave:  Because if more people will have medical care than now, unless there are more doctors, somebody will have less.

Blarney:  This plan will keep the greedy doctors from overcharging, so the money will go further.

Dave:  That’s not the point.  If currently each doctor is seeing as many patients as they can, who will take the new patients?  Someone will have to lose their current care or we need more doctors.  What is the incentive for someone to be a doctor if the government will cap their wages?

Blarney:  We don’t need to worry about that.  With more abortions and mandatory end of life counseling, there will be less children and less seniors to drain the system.  If we can convince everyone to kill themselves after 65, Social Security will no longer be bankrupt.  Medicare will be solvent.  It is the perfect solution.

Dave:  Unless, of course, you are 65.  Why should 65 be the magic number, what about 60?

Blarney:  Sure, even better.

Dave:  How about 55?

Blarney:  Now you are getting it!

Dave:  Did you ever see Logan’s Run?

Blarney:  No, why?

Dave:  Never mind.

 

Dave and Blarney at the Inauguration

Dave: Well, Blarney, your man gave a great speech. I only hope he will be a great president.

Blarney: Dave, have you nothing good to say?

Dave: Weren’t you listening to me? I said the speech was great.

Blarney: That’s the problem with you right wing Looney Tunes. You are always criticizing our great President. Look at the mess Bush made of the last eight years.

Dave: Blarney, get a grip. I did not criticize President Obama. And to what specific mess do you refer? The fact that we were not attacked since 9-11? Or is it the fact that we have liberated over 50 million Iraqis and Afghanis?

Blarney: The economy, stupid! Bush absolutely ran the economy into the ground. Look at the unemployment – look at the banking crisis – look at that mess!

Dave: For seven of the eight years, the economy was doing well, although you would not have known that if all you listened to was the drive-by media. If you actually did some research and looked at the facts, you would see that unemployment has been lower than previous administrations until this last quarter when the economy finally caught up to the dire reporting.

Blarney: This is worst economy since the Great Depression!

Dave: Blarney, that’s just not true. This might be the worst economy since Jimmy Carter, but unemployment and inflation are actually still lower than during his watch. Again, do some research and look at the facts.

Blarney: I need a bailout. My stocks have tanked.

Dave: You do know that the Democrats were in charge for the last two years, don’t you? Since 2006, they have had a majority in Congress. Congress makes laws. Congress oversees the Fanny Mae and Freddie Mac corporations that caused the banking crisis. Congress raised the minimum wage, which, predictably, caused a rise in unemployment. You know that the Democrat controlled Congress had a lower approval rating than President Bush.

Blarney: Of course, the rating was low – it’s those darned Republicans. That’s why we voted for change! Change we can believe in! Yes we can!

Dave: Blarney, the Republicans were not in control of Congress during this debacle – the Democrats were.

Blarney: Says who? You? Am I supposed to believe that right-wing propaganda?

Dave: Look at the Senate and House statistics for yourself. Do you know who the Speaker of the House is?

Blarney: I sure do, it’s Nancy Pelosi.

Dave: Right. And do you know who the Senate Majority Leader is?

Blarney: Well, of course. That would be Harry Reid.

Dave: I’m impressed. That’s better than most people. Now you know that they are both Democrats, don’t you? And you know that those positions are filled by the majority party don’t you?

Blarney: Well,…yeah…Oh!...er….But that doesn’t mean that the Democrats were in control!

Dave: [Sigh]

Dave and Blarney Discuss the Bailout

Blarney: Well, the Senate is acting where the House flopped.

Dave: You mean because they passed a bailout bill?

Blarney: Exactly. Now if only those stubborn Republicans in the House will get on board.

Dave: Blarney, can I ask you a few questions?

Blarney: I suppose so.

Dave: Does this bill have anything to do with money?

Blarney: It has everything to do with money.

Dave: Does it have anything to do with raising revenues?

Blarney: Well, it does address taxes.

Dave: According to the Constitution, where do bills about revenue originate?

Blarney: Well, everyone knows that: the House of Representatives.

Dave: So, you don’t have a problem with Senate originating this bill?

Blarney: Oh, but it originated in the House.

Dave: But the House killed it.

Blarney: No, they didn’t. They suspended the vote before it was final. That allows the Senate to modify it.

Dave: That seems a little sneaky, doesn’t it? By the way, how many votes would it take to pass the bill in the House?

Blarney: Everybody knows that, too. With 434 or 435 members, it takes 218 votes to be a majority.

Dave: How many “No” votes were there in the House?

Blarney: Er, ah, 228.

Dave: Sounds to me that it failed.

Blarney: No, no, the vote was suspended. That was to give the Republicans time to change their minds.

Dave: How many Democrats are in the House?

Blarney: Uh, I don’t know. Maybe a couple hundred?

Dave: Would you believe, 235? If the Democrats think this is such a great bill, they could pass it all by themselves.

Blarney: But that wouldn’t be fair.

Dave: So 95 Democrats voted against the bill just to be fair?

Blarney: well, …

Dave and Blarney Discuss the Weather

Dave: Hi, Blarney. What are you up to?

Blarney: Hi, Dave. I’m heading to a protest march about high gas prices.

Dave: I thought you wanted gas prices to be higher.

Blarney: Whatever gave you that idea?

Dave: Don’t you want to reduce man-made carbon emissions?

Blarney: Absolutely. We need to do everything we can to reduce man’s impact on Global Warming.

Dave: Well, don’t high gas prices force people to drive less and therefore emit less carbon from their autos?

Blarney: Well, yes. But it’s all Bush’s fault.

Dave: The high gas prices or the fact that people drive?

Blarney: Yes. Bush should have ratified Kyoto.

Dave: And that would have lowered gas prices?

Blarney: Well, no. But it would have averted catastrophic man-made global warming like we have now.

Dave: You do know that the globe has not warmed since 1998, right? In fact, April 2008 was the coldest April in a long time.

Blarney: Well, experts say that is only a temporary lull.

Dave: But don’t you believe that the primary factor in global warming is enhanced C0₂ emissions? What is causing the lull?

Blarney: I, uh …

Dave and Blarney at Christmas

Dave: Merry Christmas, Blarney.
Blarney: I don't celebrate Christmas.
Dave: Oh, okay, belated Happy Hannukah.
Blarney: I don't celebrate any mythological holidays.
Dave: Really?
Blarney: Absolutely. I only celebrate authentic holidays.
Dave: Such as?
Blarney: Kwanzaa.
Dave: But you aren't African-American.
Blarney: See how racist you are! All you right wingnuts are racist, sexist, homophobes!
Dave: Excuse me?
Blarney: Okay, this time. But you really should seek help.
Dave: That's the whole point of Christmas. I do seek His help. I mean, though, how does a statement of fact morph into a racist statement?
Blarney: Just because my skin is white, does not mean I can't be black. What about Bill Clinton?
Dave: The first black president?
Blarney: Exactly. According to Andrew Young, he is every bit as black as Obama and has probably been with more black women than Obama. Yet his skin is just as white as mine.
Dave: We started with me wishing you a Merry Christmas and now you accuse me of being racist because your skin is white?
Blarney: No, Dave, I called you a racist because you are a right-wing nut and all of you are racist, sexist homophobes.
Dave: O-o-o-kay. What do you think of Achmadinejab?
Blarney: He's a great statesman.
Dave: You don't think he is racist because he wants to eliminate the Jews?
Blarney: He is not any more racist than Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton, two of my other heroes.
And you hate the Jews because they killed your Jesus.
Dave: You are wrong on two points Blarney. No, three points. First, Jesus was a Jew. He was the Lion of the tribe of Judah. Second, the Jews did not kill Jesus, the Romans did. Last, I don't hate either the Jews or the Italians because it was all part of God's plan to purchase redemption for us.
Blarney: Well, uh...
Dave: And Blarney, both Jesus and I love you. The whole point of Christmas is that God visited this planet in human form to provide redemption for our sins. So, like I said, Merry ...
KwanzHanuChristmas.
Blarney: ....

Dave and Blarney April Fool

Dave: Hi, Blarney. I haven't seen you since you left for that Man Made Global Warming conference. How did that go?

Blarney: It was cancelled due to a blizzard. We decided to hold the next one in July.

Dave: That's pretty smart. You should have some record high temperatures somewhere that you can point to as evidence.

Blarney: We had a record high just a few days ago in Montgomery, Alabama.

Dave: Really? How hot was it?

Blarney: 88.

Dave: That doesn't seem too hot for Alabama.

Blarney: Oh, but it was a record for that day in March.

Dave: What was the previous record?

Blarney: 87.

Dave: And when was the previous record set?

Blarney: 1895.

Dave: So, let me see if I understand. The previous high was 87, set Mar 28, 1895. In 112 years, man-made global warming resulted in a new high of 88?

Blarney: That's right.

Dave: But all the years in between it was colder?

Blarney: Yes. That's what Man Made Global Warming is all about.

Dave: OK. I have a question for you. What made it so hot back in 1895?

Blarney: The transportation industry, just like today.

Dave: You'll have to explain that.

Blarney: Hello, railroads, STEAM locomotives!

Dave: <sigh>

Dave and Blarney Discuss Elections

Blarney:This time the Democrats will win both houses of Congress, thanks to Mark Foley.

Dave: Why is that, Blarney?

Blarney: Voters are outraged, and rightly so, about the Republican handling of this mess.

Dave: What is it, exactly, that the Democrats dislike about the incidents?

Blarney: Well, isn't it obvious?

Dave: Here are the facts as I understand them: Foley is a homosexual. He sent "overly friendly" email messages to a young page. He sent sexually explicit Instant Messages to an adult page, even engaging in "internet sex". There was no documented physical sexual contact. He resigned as soon as the situation became public. So, are you offended by his sexual orientation?

Blarney: Absolutely not. Everyone has a right to their own orientation.

Dave: Ok, then. Are you offended by sexually explicit instant messages?

Blarney: Well, the emails went to a minor.

Dave: Yes, but they were not sexually explicit. Foley engaged in internet sex with an adult male page, not the one he sent emails to. But can I assume that you oppose the North American Man Boy Love Association (NAMBLA)? Do you condemn their agenda?

Blarney: Well, no. We don't have uptight mores about sex.

Dave: Well, then what is it?

Blarney: Hastert should have done something about Foley much sooner.

Dave: But what is it that you find reprehensible about Foley? Was it that he sexually approached someone over which he had some authority? Did you find Bill and Monica to be reprehensible by the same standard?

Blarney: Well, no. That was a private matter between two adults. You conservatives had no right to attack Mr. Clinton for receiving "favors" from Monica.

Dave: And the fact that Mr. Clinton was married has no bearing on it?

Blarney: Of course not. We are enlightened.

Dave: You will of course recall that Mr. Clinton initially denied everything. Foley, on the other hand, admitted his actions. Is that what you find offensive?

Blarney: The leader of the House Republicans should have known what was going on and done something about it.

Dave: About what? What is the action that you find so horrible? NAMBLA openly advocates homosexual sex between adults and children. You don't seem upset with them. Bill Clinton used his office - the Oval Office - to engage in oral sex with an intern. You people rushed to defend him.

Blarney: Well...

Dave: And I find it strange that the same people who protest about tracking terrorist conversations think it is appropriate to expose emails between individuals in Congress.

Blarney: But...

Dave: Now, I do find Foley's behavior as a Congressman reprehensible. I am outraged that he would approach a subordinate. I am opposed to NAMBLA. I just can't figure out what you think was so horrible, based on previous discussions.

Blarney: It's an election year.

Dave: Right. Thanks for being open about the motivation for outrage on the Left.

Dave and Blarney Discuss Academia

Blarney: I've been thinking about our last conversation.
Dave: That's good. What new thoughts do you have?
Blarney: You tricked me.
Dave: Excuse me?
Blarney: You got me to accept your labels of "insane" and "fraud". That was a mistake on my part. I dislike labels.
Dave: Really? What would you call someone whose grip on reality is gone, or who intentionally deceives people?
Blarney: Either "Bush", "Cheney", or "Rumsfeld". But I digress. One person's insanity could be another person's reality.
Dave: You mean like whether or not aircraft hit the Twin Towers on 9/11?
Blarney: No, I mean like whether Iraq is a quagmire. Or the people working in the towers were little Eichman's. Each of those opinions is a possible truth.
Dave: Possible truth? What are you talking about? Something is either true or false.
Blarney: You only say that because you are unaware of the new trends in education.
Dave: You mean allowing someone to spell "cat" K-A-T?
Blarney: Right. All opinions are equally valid?
Dave: Including my opinion that this idea is just stupid?
Blarney: There you go again being judgmental.
Dave: Ok, then. How about Harvard University President Lawrence Summers' opinion that, just possibly, women and men are each better at different things? Is that a valid opinion?
Blarney: Of course not. That's right out there with "Intelligent Design".
Dave: But I thought the rule was "all opinions are equally valid"?
Blarney: Well, in general yes, but some opinions are more equal than others.
Dave: So, your opinion is as valid as mine?
Blarney: Exactly.
Dave: But mine might not be as valid as yours?
Blarney: Now you're getting it.
Dave: {sigh}

Dave and Blarney Discuss Jesus

Blarney: I know why the Christians hate the Jews.

Dave: What are you talking about?

Blarney: Well, you know how Mel Gibson let out that anti-Jewish tirade? He's the one who made that movie about Jesus. The Jews killed Jesus and so Christians hate them.

Dave: Blarney, you are so confused. Jesus was a Jew and it was the Romans who killed him. If Christians should hate anybody, it would be the Italians, not the Jews. But Christians cannot hate either of them.

Blarney: Why not?

Dave: Because it was all part of a plan to redeem mankind from Satan. You see, my sins and your sins are what put Jesus on the cross.

Blarney: Sin is such an outmoded term. And who are you to call me a sinner? That's pretty intolerant, if you ask me.

Dave: I included myself in the sinner group and, in fact, listed myself first. We have all sinned and fallen short of God's standard. That's the whole point of redemption.

Blarney: What's so special about Jesus, anyway?

Dave: Well, Blarney, that is one of the central issues for Christianity. Is or was Jesus God?

Blarney: I'm not sure how to answer that. I wouldn't want to offend you.

Dave: It's really a simple question with only two possible answers. Is Jesus God?

Blarney: Well, I know that a lot of Christians think he was. I'm sure his followers at the time were really impressed.

Dave: Yes, Blarney, but the question is really about what you think. Is Jesus God?

Blarney: Well, aren't we all gods in some sense?

Dave: Answer the question. Is Jesus in the same class as the one true God? Is He the same as God?

Blarney: Well, the Jews and the Muslims don't think so. He was a great moral teacher, though.

Dave: Again, it isn't about what others think. It is about what you think. And Jesus could not have been a great moral Teacher if He were not God. Is Jesus God?

Blarney: Well, in the sense that you mean, I would have to say no. I'm sorry if that offends you.

Dave: I'm not offended, OK, so now let me ask you, did this Jesus, who is not God, think that He was God? Did He believe that?

Blarney: Well, how can you ever know what someone believes unless they tell you.

Dave: Work with me, Blarney. Do you think He believed He was God?

Blarney: Well, I can't really be sure, but I guess He did. I mean, yes.

Dave: OK, so this Jesus, who was not God, believed He was God. That makes Him insane, doesn't it?

Blarney: Well, maybe I was wrong. Maybe He really knew better, but just wanted to reinforce His teachings by letting people think so.

Dave: Sort of like Ward Churchill pretending to be an Indian so he could be an authority on Indian affairs?

Blarney: Yes, that's it.

Dave: Doesn't that make Him a fraud?

Blarney: You're being awfully judgmental.

Dave: See, Blarney, that's the point. Either Jesus was God, or He was insane, or He was a fraud. There is no other choice. "Great Moral Teacher" only applies if He were not insane and not a fraud.

Blarney: Ah, there's the flaw in your argument.

Dave: Excuse me?

Blarney: You assume that someone can't be a teacher if they are insane or a fraud. That's not true. Those are not things that disqualify an individual from teaching, or even being a college professor.

Dave: You can't be serious. And besides, the issue is not "teacher" but "moral teacher", even "great moral teacher."

Blarney: That's the trouble with you right wing types. You are so judgmental. We liberals would never stop someone from teaching just because they are insane or frauds.

Dave: {sigh}

Dave, Blarney, Ann, and Jack

Blarney: Can you believe how insensitive those Marines are?

Dave: Which Marines? Jack Murtha?

Blarney: No, I mean these guys going around killing innocent civilians. It's just like in Vietnam - you know - My Lai.

Dave: Your lie? Glad to hear you admit it. I served in Vietnam, you know.

Blarney: Wow! I had no idea you were a baby-killer.

Dave: Baby-killer? No, Blarney, I have never performed an abortion in my life.

Blarney: Abortions don't kill babies, they only remove unwanted tissue. It's a woman's right to own her body.

Dave: Blarney, why do you call the "unwanted tissue" part of the woman's body when it will grow into a boy or girl that will exist apart from her?

Blarney: Because it is just a parasite, sucking the life from the poor mother.

Dave: Wow, Blarney, that's the first time you ever admitted you were a parasite. This is refreshing honesty.

Blarney: What are you talking about? I'm not a parasite.

Dave: Well, you are a former fetus. When you were a baby, your parents provided food, clothing, a shelter and all of your other needs. When you aged, you lived off their generosity. How do you support yourself now?

Blarney: I'll have you know my trust fund provides for me. It is MY trust fund, so there.

Dave: And where did you get YOUR trust fund?

Blarney: Only partly from the proceeds on mom and dad's life insurance. The rest came from the lawsuit.

Dave: So, all of it started out as someone else's money. And now it is yours. How do you define a parasite?

Blarney: I'll tell you. Someone like that Ann Coulter broad who picks on poor widows and grieving mothers.

Dave: POOR widows? They got more than $2,000,000 apiece from the government. That's a far cry from poor.

Blarney: What? My trust fund is only $1.6 million. It's not fair that they should have more than me! I'll sue!

Dave: {sigh}

Dave and Blarney

Blarney: Did you hear the latest out of Iraq?

Dave: Do you mean the news from Bakuba? Yes, that is just wonderful news.

Blarney: Bakuba? Where is that? No, I mean from Haditha. You know, how the US Marines murdered a bunch of civilians. It is just awful.

Dave: OK, let's take that one at a time. The incident to which you refer occurred back in November. It is hardly "the latest". Second, it is still under investigation. It has not been established that the Marines did anything wrong. They were responding to an attack which began with an IED and were under fire from at least one of the buildings.

Blarney: Well, John Murtha is a former Marine and he says they are guilty. Anyway, what about Bakuba?

Dave: The coalition tracked down and killed Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. They hit his unsafe house with two 500-lb bombs. They also raided 17 locations after they knew Zarqawi was dead and got information leading to another 39 locations, which they also raided. They found several weapons caches and more intelligence.

Blarney: Yeah, but bin Laden is still at large.

Dave: Yes, but the coalition got Zarqawi by a tip from the Iraqis. They even had inside information.

Blarney: Well that would be because some al-Qaida dude wanted to move up. And worse, now Zarqawi's a martyr. The whole thing in Iraq just turned really sour. I tell you, it's a quagmire -- worse than Vietnam. And did you hear about Ann Coulter attacking a bunch of 9/11 widows?

Dave: Are you referring to the 'Jersey Girls'? They are four, count them, four widows. How many 9/11 widows are there total?

Blarney: Er, I don't know.

Dave: Well, how many people died in that attack?

Blarney: Somewhere around 3,000.

Dave: OK, suppose only one third were married. How many widows would that be?

Blarney: You can't just make an assumption like that. That is a trick question.

Dave: [sigh]

Dave and Blarney are Back

Blarney: This is a new day.
Dave: Well, every day is a new day, but what are you talking about.
Blarney: Now everyone will see what a liar Bush is. Now that he has murdered that poor woman's son and caused her mother to have a stroke, we will finally impeach him.
Dave: Are you talking about Cindy Sheehan?
Blarney; Is that the woman camped out by Bush who only wants him to talk to her?
Dave: Well...
Blarney: Why won't that evil ******** meet with her anyway?
Blarney: Hey! I said "evil *******" and it came out "evil bunch of stars". What's up with that?
Dave: This is a family friendly site and improper words are automatically bleeped. Let me see if I can answer your question in a way you could understand.
First, there is a woman named Cindy Sheehan. She was camped out in Crawford, Texas, with a full media contingent until her mother had a stroke. She did have a son who volunteered to serve in Iraq and was murdered by Islamic terrorists.
Blarney: Don't try to confuse the issue! Bush murdered her son and now he won't even talk to her.
Dave: The president already met with her. He meets with many families. But what, precisely, do you think would be accomplished by his meeting with her now?
Blarney: He could explain to her why he murdered her son. It would show compassion.
Dave: How did Bush murder her son?
Blarney: He forced him to go to Iraq against his mother's wishes.
Dave: Wait just a minute. We have an all-volunteer army. The guy reenlisted, knowing he was going to Iraq. He did not have to do that. If anyone defied his mother's wishes, it was Casey Sheehan!
Blarney: You are just like Bush - insensitive! You crush people's feelings with facts. That is just not right!
Dave: * sigh *

Blarney and Dave Discuss Iraq

Blarney: This Bush is always lying.
Dave: What do you mean?
Blarney: Take this "War on Terror" thing. We know it was all about Oil and Haliburton. Bush keeps changing his story because he won't admit the truth.
Dave: Can you explain that?
Blarney: Sure. First it was all about WMD. When those didn't show up it was all about deposing an awful tyrant.
Then it was this nonsense about establishing a Democracy. He is trying to force freedom down their throats and he still won't admit the real purpose of the War.
Dave: But on March 19, 2003 as Operation Iraqi Freedom began, he said: My fellow citizens, at this hour, American and coalition forces are in the early stages of military
operations to disarm Iraq, to free its people and to defend the world from grave danger.
And on March 22, 2003 he said: And our mission is clear, to disarm Iraq of weapons of mass destruction, to end Saddam Hussein's support for terrorism, and to free the Iraqi people.
Blarney: Wow! Thanks for proving my point.
Dave: Huh?
Blarney: "Yes' I thought he couldn't keep his story straight for two years. You just showed he changed the reason three times in a single sentence. See what I told you, he is a complete liar.
Dave: *sigh*
Blarney: And you know there is absolutely no connection between Saddam Hussein and al Qaeda. That's why al Qaeda attacked London.
Dave: Now what are you talking about?
Blarney: Well, if the US and England had not invaded Iraq and continued their oppression of the mullahs, the London bombings would not have occurred.
Dave: But I thought there was no connection.
Blarney Right.
Dave: * sigh *
Blarney And another thing, this war was supposed to be a cakewalk. Already it has been almost four months past two years. That's the biggest quagmire in history!
Dave: But President Bush said on March 20, 2003: A campaign on harsh terrain in a vast country could be longer and more difficult than some have predicted.
Blarney Yeah, but Bush is an idiot. The military thought it would be a cakewalk.
Dave: Well, General Tommy Franks describes his thinking in American Soldier, and he said (page 373) I hoped that this briefing would squelch speculation that a decisive operation in Iraq would be a simple matter requiring relatively few troops. Some staffers in the Pentagon had suggested that one heavy division with massive air support could kick open a door, through which exiled Iraqi opposition groups would march triumphantly to liberate their country. This line of thinking was absurd, and I wanted to terminate it as quickly as possible.
Blarney: There, you see. You even admitted that the Pentagon thought it would be easy.
Dave: But the president is the Commander in Chief and General Franks was CINC CENTCOM at the time.
Blarney: So what? You told me that Pentagon personnel thought it would be easy. That's because they knew there were no weapons of mass destruction.
Dave: Now, Blarney, look at what General Franks had to say about that in his book:
(p 353) Primary among my assumptions was that Iraq possessed and would use weapons of mass destruction, so our forces would likely be fighting in a toxic environment. Intelligence operations would attempt to confirm the extent and locations of Iraq's WMD programs and the regime's doctrine for use of WMD, but without a robust human intelligence infrastructure - which we did not have - I was not confident we would be able to preempt WMD use.
Blarney: Just like I've always said, they were willing to sacrifice thousands of American lives just to get Hussein. They didn't care that there would be massive slaughter of our troops with chemicals.
Dave: OK, look at page 372:
Weather was also a factor. Since our troops would likely be fighting in MOPP suits to protect against chemical and biological weapons, the mid-summer daytime heat, which could reach 130 degrees Fahrenheit, constituted a yellow light. And the sandstorms of early spring were another obstacle to avoid if at all possible. "Therefore, Mr. President," I said, "optimum operational timing would be from December to mid-March."
Blarney: You know, Dave, I thought you were intelligent, but you have not disproved a thing I said, and you refuse to believe that you are just a puppet of Karl Rove and Rush Limbaugh.
Dave: But I quoted exactly what the president and General Franks were saying in the early phase of the war.
Blarney: My point, exactly.
Dave: I give up.
Blarney: See. You could not even hold a candle to me in the debate. When faced with logic, you guys just resort to name calling. You are a complete LOOOOOSER. Paint an "L" on your forehead, fascist!
Dave: * sigh *