Dave: Merry Christmas, Blarney.
Blarney: I don't celebrate Christmas.
Dave: Oh, okay, belated Happy Hannukah.
Blarney: I don't celebrate any mythological holidays.
Blarney: Absolutely. I only celebrate authentic holidays.
Dave: Such as?
Dave: But you aren't African-American.
Blarney: See how racist you are! All you right wingnuts are racist, sexist, homophobes!
Dave: Excuse me?
Blarney: Okay, this time. But you really should seek help.
Dave: That's the whole point of Christmas. I do seek His help. I mean, though, how does a statement of fact morph into a racist statement?
Blarney: Just because my skin is white, does not mean I can't be black. What about Bill Clinton?
Dave: The first black president?
Blarney: Exactly. According to Andrew Young, he is every bit as black as Obama and has probably been with more black women than Obama. Yet his skin is just as white as mine.
Dave: We started with me wishing you a Merry Christmas and now you accuse me of being racist because your skin is white?
Blarney: No, Dave, I called you a racist because you are a right-wing nut and all of you are racist, sexist homophobes.
Dave: O-o-o-kay. What do you think of Achmadinejab?
Blarney: He's a great statesman.
Dave: You don't think he is racist because he wants to eliminate the Jews?
Blarney: He is not any more racist than Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton, two of my other heroes.
And you hate the Jews because they killed your Jesus.
Dave: You are wrong on two points Blarney. No, three points. First, Jesus was a Jew. He was the Lion of the tribe of Judah. Second, the Jews did not kill Jesus, the Romans did. Last, I don't hate either the Jews or the Italians because it was all part of God's plan to purchase redemption for us.
Blarney: Well, uh...
Dave: And Blarney, both Jesus and I love you. The whole point of Christmas is that God visited this planet in human form to provide redemption for our sins. So, like I said, Merry ...