Global warming continues unabated

News Anchor:   Record temperatures in California continue to prove that Global Warming is advancing.  Over to you, Bill.

Correspondent #1:  No, Tom, those are record low temperatures.  Grape growers are concerned about early free. . .

News Anchor:  Thanks for your report, Bill.  Now on to Oregon where more record temperatures clearly demonstrate Global Warming.  Tell us about it, Mike.

Correspondent#2:  Thanks, Tom.  Yes, once again we are experiencing temperatures not seen for 118 years.  These record low. . .

News Anchor:  Don’t you mean high?

Correspondent#2:   No, Tom.  We haven’t seen temperatures as low as this since the turn of the last century.

News Anchor:  Great.  Well, the receding glaciers in Alaska and the northern shelf still demonstrate that man is responsible for Global Warming, isn’t that right, Fred?

Correspondent#3:  Actually, Tom, the glaciers had been retreating, but they actually grew this year.

News Anchor:  Well, isn’t that just peachy.  OK folks, enough about Global Warming.  Next up, How George W. Bush single-handedly caused the worst economic meltdown of this reporter’s lifetime - after this commercial break.

Dave and Blarney Discuss the Bailout

Blarney: Well, the Senate is acting where the House flopped.

Dave: You mean because they passed a bailout bill?

Blarney: Exactly. Now if only those stubborn Republicans in the House will get on board.

Dave: Blarney, can I ask you a few questions?

Blarney: I suppose so.

Dave: Does this bill have anything to do with money?

Blarney: It has everything to do with money.

Dave: Does it have anything to do with raising revenues?

Blarney: Well, it does address taxes.

Dave: According to the Constitution, where do bills about revenue originate?

Blarney: Well, everyone knows that: the House of Representatives.

Dave: So, you don’t have a problem with Senate originating this bill?

Blarney: Oh, but it originated in the House.

Dave: But the House killed it.

Blarney: No, they didn’t. They suspended the vote before it was final. That allows the Senate to modify it.

Dave: That seems a little sneaky, doesn’t it? By the way, how many votes would it take to pass the bill in the House?

Blarney: Everybody knows that, too. With 434 or 435 members, it takes 218 votes to be a majority.

Dave: How many “No” votes were there in the House?

Blarney: Er, ah, 228.

Dave: Sounds to me that it failed.

Blarney: No, no, the vote was suspended. That was to give the Republicans time to change their minds.

Dave: How many Democrats are in the House?

Blarney: Uh, I don’t know. Maybe a couple hundred?

Dave: Would you believe, 235? If the Democrats think this is such a great bill, they could pass it all by themselves.

Blarney: But that wouldn’t be fair.

Dave: So 95 Democrats voted against the bill just to be fair?

Blarney: well, …